Pain....and other things...

Ok, so I suppose its time for a new update, since it's been awhile.

Last week was pretty much same 'ol same 'ol. I ended up going to First Care at Maine Med for my knee on Wednesday night. They took x-rays and such and couldn't find anything. The doctor then did an exam, and he said that he thought I had bruised the bone. They wrapped it in an ace bandage, told me it would be 2-3 days til it felt better, and then sent me on my way. Oh man was I in pain.

We got notice from Dan's insurance company that his car was totalled. Not good news at all. So on Thursday we went up to Richmond to get everything out of it, which was actually alot of stuff. I didn't even realize we had that much stuff in his car! And man was that painful on my knee doing all of that work. But Dan was good as usual and didn't make me do more then I felt I could handle. Unfortunately, what I "thought I could handle" was more then what I really could.

We then went to South China for a couple of days since we were right there anyways. We stayed until Saturday and then came back to Portland. During which, my knee was still killing me, and the ace bandage wasn't helping any....in fact I feel like it was making it worse because it was cutting into the skin. (And I didn't even have it that tight!)

This morning I woke up and my knee hurt even WORSE. And it had been 4 days. I knew something wasn't right, so I decided to go back and see another doctor, because I just wasn't ok. So we went to Mercy's FirstCare and saw a doctor. She said the other doctor WAS right, that is a bruised bone, but that it def wouldn't heal within 2-3 days. She said it may be a few weeks. She then gave me a knee immobilizer to use and crutches to use in extreme circumstances. I'm glad that it was nothing serious, and that this doctor had a clue. But man oh man, the pain is so extreme and I don't have anything for it. It's worse then my fibro pain I think. But then again it's hard to tell, because it is probably both acting up.

Sooo on Wednesday I have a doctor appointment. After talking to some people, I have decided that I am SO going to put my foot down and demand a referral to a pain specialist. I don't care that he thinks I don't need to see one. I have been in so much pain for so long now, and none of the fibro meds seem to be helping, so I NEED to do something. And as much as I would hate to do so, if he doesn't oblige I will start looking for another doctor, although like I said, I would hate it if it came down to that.

Well, I guess thats it for now. I hope everyone is doing well! <3

Open Letter to Normals About Fibromyalgia

There are the things I would like you to understand before you judge me...

Please know that being sick doesn't mean I'm not human. I may spend most of my day flat on my back and I might not seem like great company, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I worry about school, work, family and friends and I'd still like to hear about yours.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable but it will pass. I've been sick for for so long that I can't afford to be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if I sound happy, it means that I'm happy, it does not mean that I am well. I may be in pain and sicker than ever.

Please, don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!".

I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn't mean that I can stand ten minutes, or an hour. It's likely that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I'll need to recover - imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn't repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed or you can move, but with Fibromyalgia it gets more confusing.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting up", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what a fatigue-based illness does to you.

Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It's quite possible (for me, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, and the next I'll struggle to reach the kitchen.

Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!".

If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I'll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please don't take it personally.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. Fibromyalgia may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed if you were no longer able to participate in life?) but it is not caused by depression. Telling me that I need exercise is not appreciated or correct - if I could do it, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm doing something. Fibromyalgia does not forgive.

Please understand that I can't spend all of my energy trying to get well. With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But part of having a chronic illness is coming to the realization that you have to spend some energy on having a life now. This doesn't mean I'm not trying to get better. It doesn't mean I've given up. It's just how life is when you're dealing with a chronic illness.

If you want to suggest a cure, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. It's because every one of my friends has already suggested every theory known to man. I tried them all, but quickly realized I was using up so much energy trying new treatments I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured Fibromyalgia, all of us would know about it by now.

If you read this and still want to suggest a cure, submit it in writing but don't expect me to rush out and try it. If it is something new, with merit, I'll discuss it with my doctor.

Please understand that getting better can be a slow process. Fibromyalgia entails numerous symptoms and it can take a long time to sort them all out.

I depend on you - people who are not sick for many things but most importantly, I need you to understand me.

Life continued....

So let's see, what is new in my life?

Well, the heat nearly killed me. I felt so sick, and I passed out numerous times. Luckily, it rained this weekend and that cooled me down some. One night, Dan and I went for a walk in the rain in the park. It was amazing, and it made me feel so much better.

I went to the neurologist on Monday, and that wasn't a huge help. But seriously, why am I surprised? He did up my Lyrica though...I'm now on 225mg twice a day. I wonder if it will help? I feel like nothing ever does. I've been in so much pain lately and so tired. My knee has still been bothering me. I fell on it like 2 weeks ago, and it still bothers me alot. I don't know if I actually did some sort of damage or not, but it def feels like it.

Umm. Mike and Shawn came to visit today, and that was nice. Our friendships have been strained numerous times, but its still there, and thats always a good thing. I really do miss them on occasion, so it was really nice to see them and catch up and everything. And reminscing about old times. As much as I love the present, sometimes I really do miss the past. Sometimes I really wish I could go back. But I do love the present. Ah. It's hard to explain.

I am going to take some classes at SMCC this semester. I am taking some online classes because attendance is really hurting my grades, and with online classes I can do my work even if I am sick in bed. So I think its a good plan. Because I really don't want to give up school, no matter how hard it really is most of the time.

Ok, thats it for now. <3

Herbs That Provide Natural Pain Relief

By: Jacob Teitelbaum

Many natural therapies can be very helpful for pain. My three favorite pain relieving herbals are willow bark, boswellia, and tart cherry. All three of these can be found in combination in the End Fatigue Pain Formula by Integrative Therapeutics. Begin with 2-4 tabs 2-3 times a day as needed until maximum benefit is achieved (approximately 4-6 weeks) and then you can use the lowest effective dose. Let's look at these three herbals.

Willow bark is the original source of aspirin, but when used as the entire herb it has been found to be much safer and quite effective. The active ingredient is salicin, and willow bark has been shown to be effective in both osteoarthritis and back pain. People who are severely allergic to aspirin (e.g., aspirin induced asthma or anaphylaxes — which is very unusual) should not use willow bark. Like aspirin and Celebrex, it acts as a COX (Cyclooxygenase enzyme) inhibitor, decreasing inflammation. There are clearly a combination of other factors in willow bark that markedly enhance its effectiveness and safety—which can be a major benefit over aspirin and NSAIDs (e.g., Motrin®) which cause an enormous amount of gastritis and ulcer bleeding, to the point of killing 15,000-20,000 Americans yearly! The studies on willow bark are quite consistent in their effectiveness in reducing pain. Let's look at some of the research.

In one study, 210 patients with severe chronic low back pain were randomly assigned to receive an oral willow bark extract with either 120 mg (low dose) or 240 mg (high dose) of salicin, or placebo, in a 4-week blinded trial. In the last week of treatment, 39 still showing benefit at the end of 12 months despite having stopped the treatment. That lipoic acid helps in several kinds of neuropathies suggest that it is worth trying in others as well, as it is quite benign and not very expensive.

SAM-e is a nutrient produced from trimethylglycine (betaine) in combination with multiple nutrients including B vitamins, folate, and inositol. It was initially tested and found to be effective in treating depression. Researchers also noted as an aside that it improved patients' arthritis as effectively as anti-inflammatory medications (NSAIDS). A number of studies were done including one which gave 600 mg a day for 2 weeks followed by 400 mg daily for 2 years. Pain and stiffness decreased within one week and the improvement continued throughout the two-year trial. A study which reviewed seven other studies was inconclusive. A major problem with SAM-e is that it is not stable and breaks down easily, with many products not really delivering what they claim. In addition, it is quite expensive. An alternative that I prefer is to use the nutrients needed to make SAM-e in your body. Doing this in several patients (using the nutrients found in the Energy Revitalization System vitamin powder) resulted in increased blood levels of SAM-e similar to those found by taking 400-800 milligrams daily.

What Else Should I Keep in Mind for Pain?

As noted above, pain is the body's way of trying to get your attention. In addition to asking for nutritional support, pain also can be a sign that the patient needs 8+ hours of deep sleep a night, hormonal support, and to treat any underlying infections (especially yeast, parasites, and sinusitis). These and a host of other natural remedies (and how to tailor them to specific situations) are discussed at length in my book Pain Free 1-2-3! and previous articles. See our SHINE Treatment Protocol for more information on over 200 available treatments (by category), including dosing and other patient instructions. This will give you detailed information on the different therapies available for each problem and how to use them.

With so many safe and effective natural remedies available for pain, it is no longer necessary for over 50 million Americans to be in chronic pain, and tens of thousands to die each year from NSAIDs and other pain medications! Isn't it time for you to be Pain Free?

That's The Way It Is....

Soooo I left off with Friday night being in South China after the car accident. For those of you who didn't see, here is what the car looked like after the accident:


So as you can see, that was pretty horrific. Anyways, the rest of the weekend in South China was alright. It was nice to be there, because I have so many memories of my childhood days there, but it wasn't very relaxing this time, even though that was what I truly needed. My dad just doesn't seem to grasp the concept that I am actually sick, and that I really can't do everything he expects me to do. Everytime I was trying to rest, he'd get me up and have me do something. It got quite annoying quite fast, and it really didn't help my fibro any, that's for sure. But on the positive side of life, I did get to see some friends and family that I don't get to see very often, and of course, that's always nice.

Mom came back to Portland with us so we would have a car and could get places. Her, Jackie, and I went to the mall one day, and that was fun. It was like a girls' day which is always nice. Other then that, we didn't get too much accomplished, but what did we need to get done?

The heat is killing me. It makes me feel so sick and just so blah. I literally can't take it. It's been way too much for me lately. I passed out again last night, but thankfully I didn't hit my head or anything this time. I guess there is a positive in every situation, lol.

Job search is going alright. I have some interviews lined up and such, so hopefully something works out, and hopefully I can find something that I can handle with this damn fibro! Gotta love it....only not.

I feel like I probably have alot more to say, but I just don't have the energy for now, so I'm gonna end this here.

An open letter to anyone who has a fibromyalgia patient in his or her life.

An open letter to anyone who has a fibromyalgia patient in his or her life.

By Karen Lee Richards

If you are reading this, someone close to you lives with and suffers from fibromyalgia (FM). Since FM is invisible, many find it hard to believe that it is a real illness or that anyone could really hurt that much all the time. Unfortunately, this is one of the main reasons that fibromyalgia is so often misunderstood, misdiagnosed and not properly treated.

Fibromyalgia is a central nervous system disorder that has three primary components: pain, fatigue and sleep problems. (1) Pain – The pain may vary in intensity and location, but it is present most, if not all, of the time. (2) Fatigue – The fatigue is not like the tiredness you might feel after working too hard or overdoing it on a sports field. It's a pervasive, all-encompassing exhaustion – like someone pulled the plug on your energy source. (3) Sleep – The person with FM usually has difficulty sleeping. And even when they do finally sleep, they never reach that deep REM stage of sleep where the body refreshes and restores itself.

The root cause of fibromyalgia remains a mystery, however, it is usually triggered by some kind of trauma to the body, such as an injury or illness. In some cases, it can also be triggered by a severe emotional trauma. Regardless the source, FM devastates the life it touches. Unrelenting pain and fatigue reduces a person's ability to concentrate, perform daily tasks, work, socialize, exercise and sleep. The more severe the symptoms, the more incapacitating it can be. Fibromyalgia often leads to depression, isolation and loss of self-esteem. Sadly, people whose FM is poorly controlled may also be at increased risk for suicide.

There are four main things someone with fibromyalgia needs you to understand:

1. What they are feeling and experiencing.

If you have a difficult time imagining what it must be like to live with the pain of fibromyalgia, I'd like to challenge you to try an experiment. Take a wooden clothespin – the kind with the spring that works by pinching one end together and clamping the other end to the clothesline – only instead of attaching it to a clothesline, clamp it to the end of one of your fingers. Now go about your business and see how long you can leave it on. While you still have the clothespin attached to your finger, try to imagine how it would feel if you knew you couldn't take it off when the pain got to be too much. What would it be like to have that non-stop pain all over your body? Now think about what it would feel like to have the flu at the same time – the kind of flu where every muscle in your body aches and it takes every ounce of energy you can muster just to drag yourself out of bed. Finally, imagine that the pain and fatigue doesn't just continue for a day, or a week, or even a month, but goes on for year after year with little hope that it will end. If you can imagine that, then you have a small inkling of what your loved one lives with each and every day.

2. What they are not.

Fibromyalgia is not a psychological disorder – it is an all too real physical illness. Those who have it are not hypochondriacs; nor are they lazy, overly sensitive or just trying to get attention. And they are not simply depressed. Although depression may or may not accompany FM, it is not the cause of it. The percentage of people with FM who also have depression is no greater than for any other chronic illness.

3. Every fibromyaglia patient is different.

The differences in FM patients exist on a couple of levels. One is the severity of their symptoms. While one patient may be able to continue working, another may be severely disabled and in some cases, even confined to a wheelchair. Just because you may know someone else with FM who is functioning fairly well doesn't mean your loved one is faking or not trying hard enough. It simply means they have a more severe case.

Another big difference is how various treatments options work. What helps one person with FM doesn't necessarily help another. Also, people with FM tend to have a lot of sensitivities to medications, so it often takes much trial and error to find something that will help. We find that what works best for most FM patients is some combination of medication, gentle exercise, lifestyle changes, and often some kind of complementary treatment like massage therapy, acupuncture, supplements, etc. Unfortunately, it can take a long time to find that ideal combination.

4. What you can do.

The main thing your friend or family member needs from you is your understanding, support and encouragement. They know you can't take their pain away. They just want you to listen without judging them and let them know you care. Often people with fibromyalgia have told me that the emotional pain of having loved ones question the validity of their illness or accuse them of just being lazy is, in many ways, worse than the physical pain they have to deal with. They already struggle with feelings of guilt because sometimes they can't “be there” for family and friends as much as they'd like to be. Try to reassure them that you care about them for who they are, not just what they can physically do for you.

If you'd like to know some other ways you can help, there's a very nice and inexpensive little book that is chock-full of suggestions. Read my review of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend for a sampling of its contents.

Finally, if you'd like to learn more about FM, please check out our Fibromyalgia page at ChronicPainConnection.com and feel free to ask questions.

Best regards,

Karen Lee Richards

ChronicPainConnection Expert

My Life Gets Oh So Much Better....

Well my life has just continued to get even better. But let's start with the beginning.

Thursday was an ok day. I went to that job interview, and I think it went pretty well, but I still don't feel very confident about it. I didn't realize it from the ad, but its a really high-end luxury store. And I just think it wouldn't be a good fit for me, nor am I sure I could deal with such a stuffy environment. Idk, we'll wait and see if I actually get a position and worry about it then. In the meantime, I'm applying for more jobs.

Other then that, Thursday was a pretty quiet day, which was actually quite nice.

This morning I got up and went to my Reiki session. It was amazing as always. I can't get over how much better it always makes me feel, and Leslie herself is just amazing as well. She's so helpful and so great to talk to. After that, Dan and I started packing for our weekend in South China.

We got on the road and things were going fine. We were a bit over halfway there when things changed. We were just driving along on the highway and there was a car fully stopped ahead of us. No matter how hard we tried, we just could not stop in time. The brakes were slammed on but it still just wasn't enough. We hit the car in front of us which happened to be a big pickup truck. Luckily by then, we were not going TOO fast. The impact was still strong though, but luckily we weren't hurt.

To make a long story short, the towing guy took us to the garage too, and my mom came to pick us up and brought us back to South China. So now we are here, trying to make the best out of what's left of our weekend away, and trying to relax a bit before we have to deal with everything on Monday.

Well, I'm off, I'm beyond exhausted! Maybe I will actually get some sleep tonight?!

As Life Goes On....

So I ended my last post Monday evening. Things were going good at that point, until later on that evening. It got really hot and humid, and it made me incredibly sick. I hate having such bad heat sensitivity. It was alright for a while because Dan got me an extra box fan in addition to the ceiling fan we have in the bedroom. But then I had to get up and go in the other room for something. On my way back, the heat really got to me and I passed out. I hit my head when I went down. When I woke up, I had a wicked headache, and was dizzy for a few minutes. I was nauseous as well. But I felt better within a few mins so things were ok.

On Tuesday, I went to the chiropractor again, which was a miracle because my neck was really messed up, I'm assuming from the fall, but I'm not really sure at all. But yet again, it helped tremendously and I'm glad I went. Tuesday night Dan's parents came up for a visit. They came over and saw our new apartment, they seem to really like it. They then took us out to dinner. I had chicken alfredo, and it was really good as usual. I'm such an alfredo person.

I didn't get sleep last night. Or if I did, it surely wasn't enough. I have been so exhausted all day. Today I cut up my credit cards after making payment arrangements and such. This is the beginning of my trying to get out from under my debt. I'm working with Credit Solutions. Hopefully this will work out. I'm still really stressed out about the whole financial situation though. I have so many bills that I just can't afford right now. And its so hard to keep up with everything. And of course, for those of you with fibro, you know how stress makes everything worse. Oh man.

Ok, well Dan and I are watching a movie, so I'm off to enjoy that. Later. :)

Because I can't get this to work anywhere else...

So I'm bad at this already...

So it looks as though I am bad at keeping up with this blog already, as I have missed a few days. But I'm really really really gonna try with this one, so here's another post.

I've been sick over the weekend. At first I thought it was just some cold sort of thing, because thats what the symptoms were. But then on Sunday I seemed to have a fever. According to Dan I also passed out for like 20 minutes. WTF? Why did I do that? I guess my body just couldn't handle it anymore. I seem to be feeling better in that sense today though, so thats always a plus. I'm having a high pain day though, which isn't any fun whatsoever. I really wish I had some pain meds for it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am scared of them because I really don't want to become addicted, but I can't deal with this pain either. It's making me pretty much bedridden, and I hate that more then anything. Next time I see Dr. Winn, I am putting my foot down and demanding he does a referral for a pain specialist. I just can't take this anymore.

Nice rant there, eh? I feel like so many of my blog posts have been rants, and in some ways I hate that, but seriously, where else am I supposed to bitch and moan? Well, ok, I do it on Twitter too. ;)

Other then pain, things seem to be ok. Dan and I are doing wonderfully. He always takes care of me and I don't know what I would do without him. I'm so lucky to have him. I couldn't ask for anyone better, and I couldn't ask for someone more helpful or caring. Even as I write this, he is making dinner. :)

Had a chiropractor appointment today, and things feel better then they did. I can definitely feel that my body is back in alignment where it should be, and I feel more balanced and even. I love how it feels right after the appointment, I just wish it would last longer and do more for the pain.

I have a job interview for Thursday. It's for a part time sales associate job. I'm not even sure if I can handle it, but all I know is that we desperately need the money, and if we don't do something soon we're gonna be in bigggg trouble. So I'm gonna try this. I really hope I get the job, and I really hope that I will be able to keep it.

Well, that's it for now I guess, time for some yummy dinner that Dan made. :)

Just not feeling it....

So, this morning I woke up early, (for me), and headed to Yarmouth for my Reiki session. It was amazing as always, and again, as usual, I felt so much better. I really can't believe how much Reiki really does do for me. Anyways, I bought some isotonix mixes too, which are natural supplements to help your body. I'm glad I did it, because we all know that my body can use any help it can get, but oh man, I shouldn't of because I can't afford it at all. I wrote a check for 135 dollars and some odd cents, and there was definitely not that much money in my bank account. Why did I do such a thing? Simple. Because I want to feel better. I'm sick and tired of feeling like shit all the time. I'm sick of not really "living." (And yes, the money is now in my account, no worries.)

But seriously. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. It sucks being only 20 years old and not being able to do things people my age do. It sucks being bedridden some days and not have a life. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate not feeling like myself anymore and not being able to do things I used to be able. I'm only 2o years old and sometimes I feel like my life is over. This just isn't fair. I know life isn't fair, but I feel like I really can't handle this anymore. It's just really started to get me depressed. I just wish, more then anything, that I could feel better, and at least feel a bit more back to normal...that would be so nice.

So other then that rant, I'm doing alright. I'm just sorta having a down sort of night.

For those of you who don't believe.....

For those of you who don't believe in holistic things, such as Reiki and Chakras, here is the story of the past 24 hours or so of my life.

Around 1230 or so last night, my friend Jackie called me in a panic. She told me this story of how this woman came into her work, and how she was looking at crystals and such. This woman picked one out and was telling Jackie how she knew alot about holistic healing, and asked Jackie if she would like her chakras opened. Not really believing in this stuff, but wanting to be nice and polite to this woman, she agreed. The woman told her that she was going to open her third eye chakra. After she did it, Jackie had a severe burning sensation in her head, and was seeing different color lights. She got home from work and felt weak. She kept seeing those lights, and she kept seeing things like black shadows and such. She felt like she wasn't even inside her body. She was freaking out and was scared to go to sleep. I looked up the third eye chakra online, and found that was she was experiencing was normal for it. It also said though that the lady had done it wrong, which was a very scary thing. Jackie finally went to sleep. She had horrid, vivid dreams that including her loved ones dying and weird things happening, and she could feel the pain in her head while she was sleeping.When she woke up, she felt like she hadn't slept at all, and that burning pain was still in her head. She felt like she was sick as well, like she had the flu or something. Enough was enough, so I called my Reiki practioner and talked the whole thing over with her. She said she would be able to see Jackie that day. So I took Jackie to Pura Vida Reiki (www.puravidareiki.com) in Yarmouth, and she had a session there. Leslie, the Reiki practioner, said that Jackie had way too much energy in her third eye, and removed the excess and balanced out her chakras. After the session, Jackie felt much better and back to normal! She even felt better then normal. She felt really relaxed and had no pain. She was astonished herself at what had happened, and is now a believe of holistic healing.

Still don't believe? Ask me about my Reiki stories.

Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia-
The name is so complicated
And so is the disease.
Chronic pain, chronic fatigue,
Those are just the beginning.
Do you know what it feels like
To wake up and feel so much older then you are?
Do you know what it feels like
To not be able to do things everyone else does?
Do you know what it feels like
To not be able to do things you once used to?
Do you know what it feels like
To have the littlest things
Wear you out completely?
Do you know what it feels like
To have no one believe you are sick?
These are all things
That I feel every day.
My body is not my own anymore,
Something horrible has taken it over.
Can I ever win it back again?
Will I ever feel ok?
Will I ever feel normal again?

This is my new blog. To write, vent, quote, etc. I'm not usually very good at keeping up with these things, but I'm gonna try! Here is my intro:

I'm Sarah.

I'm 20 years old.

I attend the University of Southern Maine.

I am a psychology major.

No I don't know whats wrong with you.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere.

But I'm slowly getting cultured.

I have fibromyalgia and anxiety.

But it's not gonna stop me.

I love my friends and family.

I would do anything for them.

I'm in love with an amazing guy.

I consider myself lucky to have him.

I worry alot, but at least you know I care.

I'm addicted to the internet and aim.

I'm a redhead, but I have my blonde moments.

I'm a perfectionist.

I do not like change.

I'm scared of the unknown.

But I do like new things.

I need more reassurance then people think I do.

I tend to bottle up my feelings and emotions.

I love to help people.

I like to travel and see new things.

I believe in seizing the day and living life to its fullest.

I'm pretty easy-going for the most part.

I believe things happen for a reason.

I also believe that whats meant to be will find its way.

I can be a complex person, but I try not to be.

If you want to know anything else, just ask.