Saturday, December 26, 2009

Fibro Feelings

How Does FMS Make Me Feel?

From: http://oldghostshome.com/fibro.html

    My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I cannot work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is VERY real.

    My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.
    My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age (Young people can get fibro) but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
    My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
    My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.
    My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I may sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.
    My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression, but it is a result of the Fibro.. not a cause of it.. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
    My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
    My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appestat is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it. Often the medication I must take causes weight gain, but many of us with fibro suffer from severe IBS and lose weight.
    My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that Charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is filled with painful knots. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.
    My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.
    My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.

    (I thought this was great and worth sharing!)


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Seasonal Life

Well, life is just the same really. I don't usually know what the difference is to be honest with you. I'm not even sure what I'm saying, so disregard these sentences.

I'm currently in Massachusetts until tomorrow. We came down for Hanukkah, so here we are. It's been nice...a little mini-vacation is always a plus. I've been so stressed out lately and so its needed I suppose. I'm not even really sure what's been wrong, I've just been really depressed and whatnot. And so has Dan, so that makes it even worse. When we both get upset, things just get even more magnified and worse.

Work has been a pain lately too. Only really because it's Christmas season and the place is absolutely insane. It's wearing and exhausting. As far as work goes, I really can't wait for the season to be over. Although, I will get less hours and the paychecks won't be as good...so that part sucks, but Idk. It's just a stressful situation.

I really can't wait to go home for Christmas. I haven't been to Eastport since July, and for some reason, I feel a bit homesick. Probably just because it's Christmastime, and it never really feels like it until I go home. Idk. Hard to figure out really.

My life....is...well, interesting right now I guess. I wonder if I really do have Seasonal Affective Disorder as well. Beats me, but what I do know right now is that I'm not feeling the best. Physically or emotionally. And of course, we all know that the two are related.

Well, just a short update. <3