Nervousness

My next appointment with my regular doctor is tomorrow. I'm not usually nervous about my appointments, but this one I am.

At my last appointment, I asked him for a referral to a rheumatologist because my fibro is not even close to under control. My fatigue is ridiculous, not much of anything helps me sleep, and I'm constantly in pain. I have to do something to try and feel better, as much as I can. He basically flat-out refused and just told me I needed to have weight loss surgery, and that would cure about 90% of my fibro issues. This is complete bullshit! There are people who are very skinny that still have fibro, and besides, I've been losing weight slowly on my own anyways, and that's the healthier way to do it. This has frustrated me to no end.

It made me think that I should find a new doctor, which I have been trying to do. But, different factors, mostly my insurance, is making it incredibly difficult. Only certain doctors are covered, plus I'd have to switch to the new doctor right away, before I even got to talk to them. That makes me completely uncomfortable. What if a new doctor would be just as bad or worse? And all my referrals would be missed up, my scripts would be messed up, etc. So basically my insurance is just making a difficult situation even more difficult.

So tomorrow is my appointment with him. I am going to tell him that I am not doing the weight loss surgery. I've heard enough about it to scare me. And apparently you can't take your meds for a while after? No way. I refuse. I'd never function then. I'd have migraines 24/7, my trigeminal neuralgia would flare constantly, my anxiety level would be insane, I'd have so much pain, and would never sleep. No, I absolutely refuse. I don't know what he'll say or do after I tell him this. I want to ask again for the referral, but I don't know how to go about it. I don't know to convince him. *sigh*

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

So, today is May 12th, Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. (And as a sidenote, I'm annoyed that I just had to add fibromyalgia to my computer's dictionary.)

I'm not doing much for awareness this year. I have my awareness t-shirt on, but I'm not really leaving the house today. I have no real need to. Last year, I cut up ribbons and made purple ribbons and passed them out to various places. Could of done that this year, but quite frankly, I just don't have the energy.

Ahhh fibro. What to say about it? What to say about a disease that has literally taken my life away? A disease that has made me feel much older then I am? A disease that has changed everything I've ever known?

It has completely and absolutely changed everything for me. I'm 21 years old, and most days I feel like I am at least 80. I have a hard time going out or doing fun things that I used to do, my body just can't handle it. I'm in constant pain, worse pain then I could have ever even imagined before it, and am so exhausted, no matter how much or how little I sleep. My life is not my own anymore, it has been taken over by some kind of horrible monster. A monster who has taken my life away, and left me with this, which sometimes I can't even call a life. Most days it just doesn't feel like it.

But I'm not gonna give up. I can do this. There is hope. I must remember that. Someday, things will get better. Right?

#Fibromyalgia Awareness Day 2010

Not Feeling It.

I haven't written in here in forever. This is very hard to keep up with, I don't know why. But I just never seem to have the time or energy to write in this.

Anyways, I had tremendous nerve pain for a while, my I had a tooth where a piece was broken off and the nerve was exposed. It caused the worst pain I have ever had in my life. I even ended up in the ER one night because the pain was so bad. They numbed the nerve which was the best thing for me. It gave me one night of sleep at least. I didn't sleep for like a week because the pain was so bad. Anyways, today I finally had the tooth pulled, so I'm hoping that'll be the end of the pain.

Work is getting too much for me, physically. I am in so much pain and so exhausted after a shift. And I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop working, because if I do we won't have enough money to live. But if I keep working, I just keep getting sicker and sicker. Fibro is not usually a condition that worsens, but I'm convinced mine is. What I really need is some sort of desk job or work at home job or something, but I'll be damned if I find anything.

*sighs* I'm just not happy with the way life is going lately.

Lyrica/Neurontin Update

Well, I don't really know where to start here, but I guess I'm gonna start with Saturday. By Saturday, I was mostly recovered from the flu, but I was having horrible horrible pains in my legs, and it was more like nerve pain, completely with burning, tingling, etc. It was really bad and I didn't know what to do about it. I dealt with it on Saturday, but mainly because I just hoped it would go away because I didn't want to go the ER, because they usually just dismiss everything as fibro anyways.

But on Sunday, I woke up and it was even worse, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I ended up in the ER anyways. The doctor said it did seem like nerve pain but he didn't know what to do for it since I was already on Lyrica. I basically told him that obviously the Lyrica wasn't working right and there had to be SOMETHING he could do. So then reluctantly (I say this because thats how he sounded) prescribed Neurontin. I went to Rite Aid to get it filled, and made sure I double checked with the pharmacist to make sure I could take both Lyrica and Neurontin at the same time, and it all checked out ok. So I started taking it that night, and woah what a difference! The pain got much better along with the other symptoms, and it even helped me sleep!

So on Tuesday, (Remember, Monday was a holiday) I called my neurologist's office to tell him about all that had happened. He didn't think it was necessary for me to be on both medications, and since he apparently likes Lyrica better, he decided to just up that. I wasn't very happy with that decision since the Neurontin seemed to be helping more, so I called yet again, and he finally agreed.

Tuesday night, I stop taking Lyrica and took Neurontin instead. Wednesday I slept most of the day, but don't really think much of it because that happens sometimes with my fibro flares. However, when I did end up being awake that evening, I was horribly depressed/anxious and wasn't even really sure why. And it was really bad, like including crying fits. And then I was like that on Thursday most of the day too. WTF?

Same with today. But today Dan and I realized that it must be the stopping of the Lyrica, and then it's like a withdrawal or something of some sort. I don't know. But its really bad, and tonight I just decided I couldn't take it anymore and took a Lyrica to see if the theory was correct. It was. I feel much better now, still upset about the same things as I was, but I'm not a wreck at all. Not sure what I am going to do about this for the rest of the weekend, but I know for a fact that I am calling my doctor next week to see what can be done.

Well, there's the update on my life. Hope all is well <3