Always Waiting.

I feel like lately, I am always waiting. Always waiting for something to happen, for something to work out, for something to become ok. Always waiting.

One thing I am waiting for is for my manager to find us a new contract so I can get back to work. It sucks that our candidate didn't win in the elections and therefore we lost our contract. I really hope he finds something...if he doesn't I don't know what I will do. This job is perfect for me, it's a work from home and I can basically build my own hours. It's perfect for a spoonie. But I just don't know how much longer I can wait. We don't have any money, and things are getting tough. I've looked at "regular" jobs, but I just don't see myself being able to handle any of them. *sigh*

One thing I'm waiting for money for is to get a membership at a pool or a season pass to the beach. Everyone says that swimming is great exercise for fibro, and easier on the body then most other exercises. I need exercise so bad. My body is so weak, and I've gained alot of weight. I need to do something, and I feel like this is the best bet. I just wish it wasn't so damn expensive to do so. Has anyone had any luck finding cheaper ways of doing this? Will you share please?

Another thing I'm waiting for is my thyroid medication to get in and work. I was told it can take 4-6 weeks, and it's been 3 weeks today. There are some days I think it is working, because I can stay up for the whole day....but there are other days when I sleep so much it's ridiculous. I mean sure, I know I'm still going to have some fatigue due to Fibro, but my doctor seems convinced that this is going to actually make a difference, so I'm holding on to the hope. And waiting.

And as much of a downer as this makes me sound...you know what I'm waiting for the most? For things to get better. That's really all I want.

Not Feeling It.

I haven't written in here in forever. This is very hard to keep up with, I don't know why. But I just never seem to have the time or energy to write in this.

Anyways, I had tremendous nerve pain for a while, my I had a tooth where a piece was broken off and the nerve was exposed. It caused the worst pain I have ever had in my life. I even ended up in the ER one night because the pain was so bad. They numbed the nerve which was the best thing for me. It gave me one night of sleep at least. I didn't sleep for like a week because the pain was so bad. Anyways, today I finally had the tooth pulled, so I'm hoping that'll be the end of the pain.

Work is getting too much for me, physically. I am in so much pain and so exhausted after a shift. And I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop working, because if I do we won't have enough money to live. But if I keep working, I just keep getting sicker and sicker. Fibro is not usually a condition that worsens, but I'm convinced mine is. What I really need is some sort of desk job or work at home job or something, but I'll be damned if I find anything.

*sighs* I'm just not happy with the way life is going lately.

Seasonal Life

Well, life is just the same really. I don't usually know what the difference is to be honest with you. I'm not even sure what I'm saying, so disregard these sentences.

I'm currently in Massachusetts until tomorrow. We came down for Hanukkah, so here we are. It's been nice...a little mini-vacation is always a plus. I've been so stressed out lately and so its needed I suppose. I'm not even really sure what's been wrong, I've just been really depressed and whatnot. And so has Dan, so that makes it even worse. When we both get upset, things just get even more magnified and worse.

Work has been a pain lately too. Only really because it's Christmas season and the place is absolutely insane. It's wearing and exhausting. As far as work goes, I really can't wait for the season to be over. Although, I will get less hours and the paychecks won't be as good...so that part sucks, but Idk. It's just a stressful situation.

I really can't wait to go home for Christmas. I haven't been to Eastport since July, and for some reason, I feel a bit homesick. Probably just because it's Christmastime, and it never really feels like it until I go home. Idk. Hard to figure out really.

My life....is...well, interesting right now I guess. I wonder if I really do have Seasonal Affective Disorder as well. Beats me, but what I do know right now is that I'm not feeling the best. Physically or emotionally. And of course, we all know that the two are related.

Well, just a short update. <3

Gotta Love Life....

Yet again, I am not feeling life lately, but this time its because I have managed to come down with the flu. And trust me, the flu plus fibro is absolutely horrible and really just makes you wanna curl up in a ball and die. Or maybe that last part is just me. Who knows?

But anyway, I am currently on day 5 of this horrible thing and I def don't feel any better at all. And this is the weirdest flu I've ever had.The symptoms change, come and go, etc. In my memory, I've never had something like that. But I've had all the worst symptoms. Fever, headache, congestion, coughing, sore throat, dizziness, weakness, pain, stomachache, etc. You name it and I've prolly had it. And I'm pretty sure its making my fibro act up more too.

I'm pumping in the antioxidants, the vitamin c, other supplements, and fluids but nothing seems to help. I have not felt any better from day to day, and during some parts of the day I feel worse. Like I said, its a weird strain I have here.

To make matters worse, Dan is sick too, and we both have the hardest time getting things done. And I've had to take time off work, which absolutely sucks because we need the money. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow, and I think I'm going to even if I'm at death's door. We need the money that badly.

Ok I'm off. Sorry for the complaining. And sorry for any typos, I did this via my blackberry.

<3

So Bad At This...

I'm so bad at updating this blog lately. I'm just so exhausted and don't ever seem to have the time or energy to do it. But it's been long enough now, so here it goes.

I got a job. I'm now a Sales Associate at Toys R Us. As far as that type of job goes, it's pretty cool, and I absolutely love the people I work with. Everyone is good friends and talks and jokes and whatnot. Makes the work environment much better, especially compared to my last job at East Coast Marketing. The only downside though is that it is EXHAUSTING me. I feel dead after every shift, and usually end up feeling sick during work. I get so tired. And tonight, my pain has been extreme. But there really isn't much I can do about it. We need the money, so I have to endure.

My doctor has put me on Savella, which I'm hoping will make some kind of difference. So far I'm not on the normal dosage yet, I'm still on the increasing dosages. Or however you word that. I haven't noticed too much change yet, though I haven't felt any negative side effects either, so that's a plus. I just hope it really does make some sort of positive difference, because honestly, I'm going crazy.

I'm also really upset that my facebook group hasn't taken off like I had hoped for it too. Don't get me wrong, many people have joined, but donations are at a minimum. I know times are hard, but I'm just so frustrated. I really really really want/need this treatment, and I just have no way of getting it. I'm not mad at anyone, just at the situation. I don't feel like its fair that I can't get the treatment that I need in order to live my life.

Well, that's it for now. Just a short update.

<3 you all!