I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of people not understanding what I'm going through and not believing that there is nothing wrong with me. I'm tired of being 21 and feeling like I am at least 80 most days. I'm tired of not being able to go out and have a good time without paying for it later. I'm tired of constantly being in so much pain. I'm tired of being so tired that sometimes I can't even get out of bed. I'm just so worn out...both physically and emotionally.
My life really isn't my own anymore. It's like its been taken over by some kind of horrible monster, and it's left me with this, which some days I really can't even call a life. And I try to hold on to hope that someday it will get better, and maybe someday they will find some kind of effective treatment. But really, what if they don't? Do I really have to live like this for the rest of my life? I don't want to. I really want my life back, is that really too much to ask? Sometimes I feel like it is, since it never happens.
I try to be a positive person, I really do. And I try to stay strong. But it's hard to do these things when you're faced with all of this. Sometimes, I just can't help but get down about it. I mean, who wouldn't? It's so hard to be upbeat and act like everything is going to be ok when you really don't know that. Sure some things will be ok but I will always have these problems. It will always be like this for me. How can that NOT get me down?
I'm trying, I really am. But sometimes, I just feel like I'm not strong enough for all of this anymore.
I completely understand!!
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it feel good to vent and know that most readers understand what you are saying? I need a pity party once in awhile. The next day, I move on and cope the best I can, until the next time. Lets pray for a cure or a very good medication that everyone can take. I found it is difficult to accept feeling this miserable too. I accept that I have FM/CF, just hard to deal with the pain and fatigue. Hope tomorrow is a better day of coping. Hugs
ReplyDeleteYou speak volumes, Sarah. And, every word rings true for most all Fibro patients. I am still amazed that you are only 21 and are coping with this nasty disease. Its not fair that you have to endure this at such a young age, but I hope you know that you are an inspiration to all who have found your blog.
ReplyDeleteYour last statement says it all for me today. I,too, do not think I am strong enough for all of this anymore. But somehow we keep pushing through and it helps to know there are others out there feeling just like we do. They keep pushing, too.
Thanks Sarah,
me,
CJ