Ok, so this post needs to be done, because I can't stop complaining lately it seems, so maybe if I get it out on here, it will help me shut up about it! lol.
But seriously, I just haven't been feeling life lately. I feel so crappy most of the time, whether its extreme fatigue, extreme pain, or both. I feel like my body and my life is not my own anymore. It's like it has been taken over by some horrible creature or something. I have so many ambitions for things I want to do, and then never ever seem to have the energy to complete them. Sometimes even simple things like getting out of bed is too much for me. What kind of life is this? Seriously, what did I do to deserve such a horrible thing happening to me?
I'm not one who wants people to feel sorry for me, or to pity me, I'm really not. But sometimes I just wish people would understand. People just don't understand what its like. And so many people think that its just all in our heads. I WISH! I wish it was something all in my head so that I could just go to a psychiatrist, get counseling and medication, and then it would all be gone! That's so much better then knowing you have to live with this for the rest of your life.
And while I'm on that topic, isn't that just a cheery thought? I have no real hope for this to get better or to go away. I try to remain hope that they will find a cure or just an effect treatment in my lifetime, but really, what if they don't? I have to live like this the rest of my life? How is that even living? I know I sure don't feel like I'm living most of the time.
I want help, and I need help. I need to go see specialists. Too bad that the closest one to me is forever away and not covered by insurance. No way in this world I can afford that. So oh well. I'm just stuck. Stuck living a life that I don't want. Honestly, all I really want is my life back, is that really too much to ask?
All of us feel the same way Sarah. But you must fight with the rest of us and keep the hope up. I feel like I am stuck in time fighting to get up and move forward everyday. Someday doctors and others will finally give us the help and care we all need. Just keep up the hope. We are all here for each other.
ReplyDeleteTeia
I TOTALLY understand! Every once in a while, I slip back into wondering about stuff like this. Life is busy and Fibro makes me feel like a fly in honey (slow). I feel like I can't keep up.
ReplyDeleteDespite and between the challenges of fibroflares, I buck up, pull a "fake it 'til you make it" smile, or do "just one thing" and I feel a little better for a while.
Fight the pit of sorrow. I joined your FB group to help you get the treatment you need. Do whatever little things you can at the moments to keep your focus on the good things in life. Blogging, journaling, creating, and participating in support groups are very helpful to me, especially if I am able to help one of my peers.
Hang in there and hold out your hand if you need help. Someone will grab it. You are definitely not alone.
Um, did you steal this from my own blog? Cuz it sounds exactly like something I would and have written! So you know that I understand, Sarah, EXACTLY what you are feeling. I wish I knew how to help, but all I can tell you is that feelings are temporary, even this feeling that is based on some very sad facts in your life. "This too shall pass". I know at the moment that doesn't help but have faith that you'll feel better again emotionally.
ReplyDeleteI hear that you are feeling angry, helpless, hopeless and powerless. You absolutely do not deserve the suffering you are experiencing. You don't have to fight against those feelings, you have good reason to feel that way. And it is okay to feel that way. So-called "negative" feelings are powerful signals that things are not right in your body, in your life. It is your heart/soul/whatever you want to call it telling you that you believe you deserve better. It does seem like there is nothing we can do to help ourselves, that we need help from the outside that is not coming. I haven't solved that issue myself, I just want you to know that I hear you and I understand.
*super huge hugs*
Love
perpetualspiral
You shouldn't apologize for what you call complaining too much. I know what you're going through and I complain all the time. So does my Mom, she has MS.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to find a specialist soon that is covered by health insurance. I can't seem to even find a family doctor. I hope the best for both of us in that department. Well, for everything ;)