Have you seen this?

In case you haven't seen it, I wanted to show you all the tattoo I got for Fibromyalgia awareness. A purple ribbon with the word HOPE also in purple. We all need to keep hope, keep hope that one day there will be a cure. And of course, we all need to keep hope in general.

Life goes on.

This has not been the funnest of weeks. I mean, there have been worse ones, but this one was just up there.

So, the worst part was Tuesday night. Tuesday night, I took all my nighttime meds as usually, including my Lunesta (sleeping pill) and went to bed. Unfortunately, sleep was just not in my cards apparently. It was bad. I laid in bed for hours, just trying to sleep, but it wouldn't happen. Then, after awhile, I ended up quite sick. Like vomitting sick. Apparently, when you take a sleeping pill and it doesn't wear off, it makes you quite sick. So that was not fun. Then, around 9am or so, I got even sicker. Like weak, dizzy, nauseous, exhausted, extreme pain, etc. And it was so bad that I all I could do was lay in bed, I could barely move. And I couldn't seem to fall asleep. Eventually, I did for like 2 hours. To say that the rest of Wednesdeay was a day from hell, would be an understatement.

Luckily, I've gotten more sleep since then. But everything is so damn stressful right now. Money issues would be the worst. We just don't have the money we need for everything. We're trying so hard, and we've gotten better at not "wasting" money, but still, ends never seem to meet. I need to find a job I can handle, preferably a work from home job, but this just does not seem to be happening, and it's SO damn frustrating. I just want things to work out.

I'm trying not to, but I feel like I am losing hope. I am losing in hope in ever feeling better. I am losing in hope in things working out finanically. I am losing hope in things working out period. But without hope, seriously, whatever am I going to do?

Quotes

Since I've been realllly bad and not updated my quotes journal in forever, and nobody probably checks it anymore, I think I'm just gonna post some quotes here. Enjoy!

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." ~ Arnold H. Glasgow

" Everybody is gifted; it's just that some people never open the package." ~ Unknown

"You can fail so very often. But you are not a failure until you give up."

"Never be afraid to try, remember...Amateurs built the ark, Professionals built the Titanic." – Unknown

"A hug can lift pain and worries from the heart. Bringing hope and love back into the heart". - Nicole Strange

"Go for it now. The future is promised to no one." - Wayne Dyer

"Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you're born to stand out" — Oliver James

"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them." ~Unknown

"It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." ~ Babe Ruth

"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." — Rafael Ortiz

"Never let anyone tell you that you can't; show them that you can." — Gloria Mallette

"Love is not blind; it simply allows us to see the beauty in everything."— Michelle D. Pierce

"There is nothing more beautiful than believing in yourself."— Sam Kao

"When you love someone you let them take care of you."— Jodi Picoult

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." ~ Robert H. Schuller

"Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong." — Sarah Dessen

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” - Frank Banks

"There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up." — John Holmes

"Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments." - Rose Kennedy

“Just as hope rings through laughter, it can also shine through tears.” ~ Maya Angelou

Complaining

Ok, so this post needs to be done, because I can't stop complaining lately it seems, so maybe if I get it out on here, it will help me shut up about it! lol.

But seriously, I just haven't been feeling life lately. I feel so crappy most of the time, whether its extreme fatigue, extreme pain, or both. I feel like my body and my life is not my own anymore. It's like it has been taken over by some horrible creature or something. I have so many ambitions for things I want to do, and then never ever seem to have the energy to complete them. Sometimes even simple things like getting out of bed is too much for me. What kind of life is this? Seriously, what did I do to deserve such a horrible thing happening to me?

I'm not one who wants people to feel sorry for me, or to pity me, I'm really not. But sometimes I just wish people would understand. People just don't understand what its like. And so many people think that its just all in our heads. I WISH! I wish it was something all in my head so that I could just go to a psychiatrist, get counseling and medication, and then it would all be gone! That's so much better then knowing you have to live with this for the rest of your life.

And while I'm on that topic, isn't that just a cheery thought? I have no real hope for this to get better or to go away. I try to remain hope that they will find a cure or just an effect treatment in my lifetime, but really, what if they don't? I have to live like this the rest of my life? How is that even living? I know I sure don't feel like I'm living most of the time.

I want help, and I need help. I need to go see specialists. Too bad that the closest one to me is forever away and not covered by insurance. No way in this world I can afford that. So oh well. I'm just stuck. Stuck living a life that I don't want. Honestly, all I really want is my life back, is that really too much to ask?